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December 8, 2014

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Death, Fruit, Garden trees, Recycling, Vernacular architecture, Waste

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The waste management business

Heavy rubbish day.  Or as it’s known locally, the council cleanup.  No words strike more fear into the hearts of your loved ones, if you are a gardener with an ample shed and an insatiable love of junk.

I was left momentarily unsupervised today, and all the good work of a weekend of chucking stuff out began to go into reverse.  I know it’s a sign of my hoarding pathology, but I really struggle to imagine why someone would ditch a barely scratched inch-thick slab of gorgeous red gum about half as long as my kitchen.

Here’s the only plausible explanation I could come up with: it had been used in the commission of a mob murder.  “I know, I know, Vinnie had to go… he knew too much… but since he “went on holiday” I just don’t feel the same about that big chopping board…”

Today’s found objects

Another road-side acquisition of the last 48 hours (the coffin-sized item pictured below) also suggests restless nights and guilty secrets.  I swear the pruning saw was in-situ before I even considered taking this photograph.  Such measures may be necessary when “spring cleaning” for those of us who only have possession of an electric mulcher, suitable strictly for lighter duties.

Okay, not quite long enough, but there's always the pruning saw.

Okay, not quite long enough, but there’s always the pruning saw.

All this “waste disposal” has perhaps been a bad influence, since today I had to do a piece of work.  I got a place ready, somewhere nice.  No need for concrete boots (or indeed blood and bone) just a very old pair of Blundstones and some hair clippings at the bottom of a hole.  We had a problem: our new associate, low-chill Tropical Sunshu nashi pear, had to be put in the ground.

Shyla pretending not to notice the disposal of the boots in case she’s next
Who needs blood and bone when you have Blundstones and hair trimmings?

We put her in the ground, and we put her in a box.  In that order, suggesting I’m no wise guy.  Though I can say, hand on heart, that she’s gone to her narrow bed, to sleep the Big Sleep, since the box we put her in was constructed of not merely one, but two bed frames.  Those beds may never have concealed any horses’ heads, but they were absolutely and definitely products of the waste management business, a business I should clearly for the sake of my family (and my shed) try to leave behind.

Tropical Sunshu going to her narrow bed.
Tropical Sunshu, the low chill nashi pear. Our newest associate. No longer a problem.
“Is it the old double-coffin trick?”
Andy Ninja looks for a horse’s head. Or perhaps a way to get in to our associate and clip her.

13 thoughts on “The waste management business”

  1. Thats a good nashi pear you have planted there.
    I hadn’t heard of that variety.
    I do have Hosui and Nijisseiki varieties which are growing great, and said to be reasonably low chill,
    but probably not as low as your Tropical Sunshu.
    I do have several standard pears, I also planted this year, that are said to be tropical low chill, so I am hopeful for those as well.

    I am a bit of a hoarder too.
    I have two small colorbond sheds half full of building material bits and pieces, also stuff squirreled under the house subfloor.
    Things is, I do occasionally use a bit, which saves an expensive inconvenient trip to Bunnings, so I find it hard to throw out and declutter.

    I spoke too soon about my sweetcorn being rat free – I found one ear half eaten today – I assume a rat was the culprit.
    Anyway I have tried bagging them with old scrap flyscreen and also sleeves from old shirts.
    Both materials I thought I should have thrown out.

    • Ah I see the seeds of the “Garden Hoarders Defense League” here!! Best Bunnings avoidance acquisition of this cycle of heavy rubbish is probably a sturdy 40 litre water butt I am planning to adapt to redirecting a downpipe towards my subtropical food forest. Not much need for it at the moment, mind… After the success (so far anyway) of the inverted metal things protecting my okra seedlings I also acquired quite a few draining racks to press into service along similar lines. And today I found the base of a percussion set – perfect for keeping the veggie nets a bit higher off my zucchini plants. Eccentric but effective…

  2. Yep, I’m known for keeping sheds of treasures (ask Juzzi). Asio has probably had to keep watch on all the skullduggery going on between one shed and another, bottom of the harbor stuff you know.
    Swamplands .

    • The look on the face of the gardener/hoarder’s other half as they head out the front door at council cleanup time with sturdy shoes and a backpack saying “I’m off for a walk”. Priceless. Have you seen the film “The Gleaners” Juke? Great reflection on ageing, hoarding and the politics of food and food waste….

  3. Dang it!! I’m impressed that you have video surveillance of your veggie garden though. I have often reflected on the potential value of CCTV. I hear you re critters eating the crop. “Grow it and they will come”… Other than netting things, growing “implausible vegetables” that they don’t like ( //berowrabackyard.com/2014/10/22/implausible-vegetables/ ), planting things in implausible places (eg had some success with strawberries at the top of the drive miles away from the other veg), disguising the smell of tasty things with lots of lavender, coriander etc., encouraging predators and worst case solution poisoning, my only idea is just to grow more stuff so there is still something left after the raiders. I have been putting in some more fruit-bearing natives with the thought that it will spread the joy. Or possibly attract more fruit eaters – who knows??!

    • It wasn’t a CCTV, just a little handheld digital still camera, when I happened to see the rat.
      I have been thinking of setting up some more security CCTV night cameras though, around the garden.
      I set up a CCTV camera on my driveway years ago, and it has been very useful ever since.
      This segment on the latest ABC catalyst program was very interesting.

      http://www.abc.net.au/catalyst/stories/4145912.htm

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